One of the most frustrating things I remember hearing over and over was “you’ll know when you know”. It came up about a myriad of topics from love to careers to gut feelings… even to smells. There are a variety of things I never did partake in so, yes, “when you smell it, you’ll know” was said to me multiple times. Thank goodness for superior job training, though, or I’d still be clueless! 😜 But alas, we are not here to discuss anyone’s preferred foliage, so moving on…

While I still find myself frustrated with that concept, I have a similar response to its converse: “you don’t know what you don’t know”. Sometimes I do know but am overwhelmed with the concept of trying to know it… usually because I’m doubting my abilities somehow. But then there are the components of life that I wanted to start this blog to highlight. Especially those of a life in transition. Because we all know normal but we don’t know the normal that could be. We only know of it… sometimes.

I talked with my 2nd grader tonight a little about money… about how we’d spent a good amount of money this weekend so far but also about why she’s seen me use real money most of the time in recent months. We also talked about how when she’s old enough I’ll have a little money for her to use and that by then I hope I’ve helped her learn how to be smart – buying what she wants in a way that let’s her have money if something goes wrong.

That’s the core of it, folks. I’m done with the breath-held-swipe-and-pray of this generation. If I can’t pay for it now or see what to rework so I can pay it off with my next check, I don’t get it. Now don’t get all pretentious about “well what about something that goes wrong all of a sudden” with the corners of your mouth down and eyebrows raised like you’re going to use your distorted face to prove a point. You know full well that’s not what I’m talking about, so just stop it.

What I’m talking about is the fact that I wanted a vacationey type of weekend with my kids, so that’s what we PLANNED for. I’m 2 of 3 days in and would usually be crunching numbers right now to figure out how to tweak day 3. Instead I’m writing most contentedly to you and smiling at the view in my peripheral – sleeping babies I was busy making memories with.

The thing is that it isn’t about the money we spent to do what we did. Honestly, I look for deals, and for all we’ve done so far, we’ve done it rather inexpensively. The point, though, is the peace of mind I feel. I had a mentality shift. I figured out why I needed to prioritize life differently and did it. My kids are learning that I won’t spend what I don’t carry in with me. They’ve been with me when I’ve deposited $5 just to balance what I needed in the moment.

I didn’t know that I didn’t know anything about financial freedom. Mind you, I still have absurd debt, so I’m not free by any means… but I’ve got a 5 year plan that keeps getting shorter and yet allows me to do a few of the special things. But hear me, or my ramblings will be misunderstood as pompous:

It’s not about my income level. My inklings of freedom are coming from a new mentality and figuring out what I can do with what I have. You know, how to maximize it.

Speaking of new mentalities, I’m not done being a recover people-pleaser and cripplingly optimistic. I am beyond willing to be a little irrational in order to make things happen. The beautiful thing, though, is realizing that I am learning to sacrifice based on a combination of what I want and someone else’s worth to me… and learning how not to sacrifice based on what I hope my worth is to that someone else.

Where and how I spend my time has nothing to do with hoping I’ll fit into someone else’s schedule if it would be at my expense. I don’t go to parts of town hoping to bump into someone. I go to enjoy the beauty of the area. I don’t wait to respond to someone slow to text until an equal amount of time has passed; I respond whenever I have a response to what I received whether that’s a few moments or a few hours. I’m admittedly excitable. I find people who are okay with that and build my corner with them for as long as they’re willing to be there.

I didn’t know I needed to stop basing my actions on the coincidences I hoped for. But I did. I didn’t know I had certain traits about my personality that were left vulnerable when they should be protected. But I do, and my freedom to be excited about stupid little things, is now a nonnegotiable.

There isn’t a way for me to accurately convey all the reasons I am at peace tonight, but it’s all due to absences… of unnecessary guilt, of imagined realities, of debilitating ‘optimism’, of considering what society thinks I should do, of fear, of doubt. Need I go on?

I’d venture to bet there’s at least one concept or habit that you just might benefit from considering to ditch. Because there really is beauty in absence… and I wish you all the absences you might desire!!