• 

That day is this week. You know the one… the one that makes people turn all sorts of silly. Suddenly everyone is either the happiest or the loneliest they’ve ever been. And sometimes you don’t even have to wonder which category someone is in. Just look at social media… there’s the lovey dovey people, the grumpily single people, the people who try to act like they’re not softies, the people who portray that the single life is the best thing that’s happened to them… those four are my favorite groups to watch. Plus the memes are generally pretty stellar!

So what about me, you ask? Excellent question! So, I’m not really sure??? But I do know that I am enjoying my days. Remember that time I said that I had ‘more than one crush’ then explained two of them? *wink, wink*

If you’re curious, though, as my dear bestie and I have determined, I am what you might call a baby elephant… check out https://youtu.be/aBbSVkasKcY… and I believe that I was somehow the inspiration for these favorites of mine:

• 

• 

That said, I’m pretty sure that I go back and forth between having an admirer of my person and having a fan of my entertainment. I’m okay with that, though, because like what I wrote about last time, my quirks aren’t going away. If you don’t find my awkward entertaining, there’s not a whole lot I can offer you because I have no intentions of training myself out of it. I’m rather fond of who I am.

As for the topic at hand… sure, I have a crush. It seems silly as an adult to say the words ‘I like you’, yet here I am. It is an interesting place to be though. I would be proud to call him my guy, but I am also grateful for the space to continue to grow me. And I suppose right now that’s all that matters.

So many people are desperate for relationships, and they are willing to sacrifice identity just to be in one. There are also those who seem to command a new identity after the warming up period in a new relationship, and lead to altered identities after all. People who have been hurt are very cautious of being hurt again especially when they’ve been hurt by someone who seemed to become someone new and demand unhealthy loyalty.

I am able to learn who he is without the pressure of all of the what if’s, and I appreciate that. Like I said, I would happily call him my guy, but that’s not really what I’m in it for. I’m finding myself simultaneously (re)learning what trust looks like while being caught off guard by my own laugh. Both of which I am grateful for.

In the last year, I can’t say that he is my only crush, but I can say that there is a legitimacy to the friendship that isn’t all that simple to find. The possibility of any kind of ‘benefits’ does not seem to determine his interest in meeting for dinner, and in the realm of my day-to-day, that is what I am most grateful for. It means something that I have personal value.

I’m not really writing this because I have an innate desire to broadcast even the smallest detail of my love life. I’m writing this to encourage anyone out there to believe that they deserve to be valued. Don’t waste time with someone who isn’t able to appreciate who you are. You are worth more than that whether it’s a friendship or something else.

No matter how all of this time spent ends up, there are two aspects of it all that I am not taking for granted. The first is that I now believe in myself enough to know my worth, and the second is that caution and laughter can exist together. I can’t say that either of those has always been there.

I’m not in a hurry, and in no way am I missing out this year.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

---

Oh yeah, and if you’re looking for a new creamer for your cup ‘o jo, check out Silk Oatyeah Creamer… the Oatmeal Cookie One.