Four days ago I was thinking of how I wanted to write again soon, and I was thinking about how I feel like I’m just what it says… at the edge of somewhere. I write a little backwards. I often come up with the title first, and then I see what all I can string together with that singular concept. The title struck me as I was driving home with my sleepy littles, and I plugged it in as a draft so that I wouldn’t forget it. I knew I had to sleep before I could write, and our day was going to be awkward anyway… or so I thought.

I got a little sleep, and we started our day early to get ready for the E-learning chapter of our novel. I could feel the zombie taking over, but we did lunch anyway, and I played a little with the kids. As I started to lay down, I knew it would be tricky since they were playing well. While I settled into the couch, my phone went off, which isn’t unusual, and I checked it, which is also not unusual. Sixteen words. Sixteen words, and I sprinted through my little two bedroom to get my computer. Sixteen words, and I was awake. Sixteen words, and I was irrevocably shaken. Sixteen words.

In a few days, I will watch along with many of my friends and coworkers – my family – as we bury someone we’ll never forget. There was nothing we could do. There was nothing anyone could do. What happened, happened. And now we are doing our best to honor a Beauty that we lost incredibly too soon. A Beauty whose face I can’t stop seeing. And a Beauty of whom my favorite memory absolutely cannot be shared except with the few who were a part of it… because girls will also be girls. 😳😂

I’m still on the edge of somewhere… and I think it’s a somewhere, or rather, a set of somewheres, that will require more bravery.

More bravery to be vulnerable and open.

More bravery to do what I think or know needs doing.

More bravery to jump and give something a chance.

I’m not quite sure where exactly I stand, but I’m a little fond of the scenery since afterall it’s just about tulip season. I know she would want me to embrace it. “Just go for it!” Plain as day in my heart and mind. I hear the tone in her voice and see her smile.

I want to be where I haven’t been, feel what I haven’t felt, love who I haven’t loved, and know how I haven’t known.

I can already hear her… “Look at you! I’m so proud of you!” I’m on the edge of somewhere, and I want to jump.