Do you remember in school on test day when it was hard to concentrate because of the noise? I don’t mean the usual noise. It wasn’t that your classmates were tapping their pencils, the movie being too loud next door, or even Jill’s seasonal allergies. It was the buzzing of the lights because everything that normally made noise was still. The buzz was deafening, and you wondered if you’d ever be able to focus on the question you’d already read eight times.

Right now it’s the sound of… well, I’m not sure… maybe the water heater downstairs? But aside from that there’s that still small ring in my ears since there are no lights to buzz it away. You know exactly what I’m talking about too. It’s the sound of silence.

I love to read quotes. I saw one once that talked about how sometimes the loudest answer is silence. The question is… how do you determine what the silence is portraying?

Well fortunately and unfortunately, it depends on where your journey has taken you. If your journey has been one filled with love, then maybe you have learned to appreciate the still moments because you feel all of the warmth intended to occupy that space. If not, it’s a whole different story.

It’s become extremely common in our society to ‘just be done’ and decide that since we don’t owe anyone anything then that includes even a simple explanation. No one ever knows what they’ve done wrong or if they should have offered an apology. There is no opportunity to explain a misunderstanding because maybe there was a predetermined escape word by the other party.

It happens in friendships, romantic relationships, professional interactions, and even marriage. And due to it’s frequency, there are a number of people all around us who are still confused as to what created the sudden rift which also then means that they’re either wondering why they were falsely accused or wondering how to fix the flaw they don’t know how to identify.

I also think that for many, this has become a pattern of life, which is helplessly frustrating since it’s a phenomenon so difficult to diagnose. Don’t teach me how to lie, but maybe teach me how to be more careful with what I say. Don’t teach me how to suck up to the boss, but maybe explain to me what HR is looking for in a promotion candidate. Don’t cater to me and create a false sense of self, but help me grow into the best version of me that I can be.

See, when it compounds and someone experiences this phenomenon over and over and over again, it begins to frustrate the growth process… if it doesn’t halt it all together. Communication is a core component to any successful relationship.

When the silent treatment begins in scenario A then shows back up in scenario B just to be followed by scenario C, then all of a sudden someone could begin to wonder how screwed up they really are. Every moment creeps back in through the memory, and every pain is felt again. It’s no different than why loss reminds you of previous losses.

You’re right… we absolutely have the right to ‘just be done’ as we see fit. But maybe consider next time that we’re all broken to some degree, and it might not be a bad thing to offer the benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind, I am not condoning allowing yourself to be hurt over and over by the same actions. However, if something comes up that doesn’t seem to make sense or is out of no where… you might have an opportunity to help someone slay some of the dragons in their mind with the peace offering of, “Hey, let’s talk about it.”

The sound of silence can be an excellent teacher, and a cruel mistress. Since we never know which one it’s going to be, I recommend choosing your silence wisely. Besides, what if silence is someone else’s escape word?

See the cycle? Communication is the only thing that will break through the sound of silence. And who knows, it might keep you from missing out on something amazing in life.