Let me start this off right and make sure that one thing is abundantly clear:

This is not a blog about a pity party.

Here’s what’s been evolving in my mind over recent months. I am growing more and more aware that I very much do not fit into a large portion of my surroundings. I am simultaneously aware that it appears I am bringing people with me, which has beautifully proven God’s goodness and grace. Those are two concepts not only available to me but to all who are willing to call on His name.

……..

Aaaaaand, guess what. I forgot about this blog draft. What’s written in those first 5-10 lines (depending on your screen size) was penned by yours truly exactly one year ago.

Guess what else. I remember exactly what was going through my mind and heart when I started it. It still traverses through me regularly, and it all comes down to one concept:

I am not called to fit in.

I am tremendously blessed to have built relationships in every setting I have ever been in, and I believe that is a huge gift that God planned for me from long before my conception. Just this week, I spent the moments waiting for a middle school concert to begin by chatting with a woman probably twice my age about a variety of concepts, finally landing on missions work and how every where can be a mission field whether we’re ministering to the elderly or going over to work with local pastors in Haiti.

It’s been a heavy little chunk of time in my world while simultaneously being filled with a joy I have never experienced before. If I were to attempt to explain any of my why’s, I would not only bore you, but I would take you through a plate of spaghetti-like stories that would leave you needing a month in a monastery to dissect it all. You’re welcome, though, because I’m not going to put you through that.

What I will say is that life can be incredibly beautiful one moment and then feel full of expectations and unwritten rules the next. When all of that happens at once, it may bring a tension you never knew to prepare for. I don’t know if you know that moment, but I do. I can also say it’s a lot to handle.

However, my purpose in this is not to to present doom, gloom, and despair. If you don’t believe me, reread the title of this blog. My purpose is to remind you that, if you think your feelings may be residing in a similarly decorated set of four walls as mine, you might need to take a breath and actually remember your purpose… which is not to reside in a perfectly decorated home with perfectly manicured nails, have a perfectly functioning hybrid to drive, or to lead a perfectly relational family.

On the contrary, your purpose is to be a champion of your life even through the imperfections that make it up. And if being a champion of your life means to become a trailblazer, pushing through to societal norms, family expectations, and professional “best practices” under the guise of becoming exactly who you are designed to be then so be it.

Here’s the cool thing I can attest to: no matter what set of circumstances I’ve found myself in, I have been able to make connections because God is that good. He has never left me forsaken or forgotten. He sees me where I am, and, if I’m willing to pay attention, I’m able to see His graces sprinkled through the scenes of my life – every moment, every interaction.

So next time you feel like you want to throw a pity party, remember that God has a plan for your moments if you’re willing to look for them. There’s nothing that can separate us from the Love of God, which means that He’ll have you as long as you’ll let Him have you. Fight hard against the tensions that come. Look for the ways God may be working to stretch you. Create moments of thankfulness even when you don’t want to.

Whatever you do, fight for God’s peace in your life.

It’s not supposed to be about a pity party.