It is interesting, isn’t it, how life’s journey can seem to wind around? A few weeks ago I wrote about some frustrations I’d been having. I do want to step back for a moment and qualify that “objectification” after having conversations with a few people. I know that in my post, I wrote about compliments – that mentioning WHO I am is far more appreciated that referencing WHAT I am. But for any who felt that was a bit dramatic for the resolve with which I wrote, know that what I get a lot of in my day-to-day would not fit into the standard compliment category. I receive the kind of opinions and statements that make me really stop and consider my response carefully. From recommendations about clothing to situational statements to nicknames and beyond… all of which leave enough room to deny any undesired meaning… but all of which are also clear in the moment. No, I will not provide examples. Hear me though, I was not referring to harmless compliments.

Did my post stop them? Nope. Is it still frustrating? Sure. What matters, though, is my response. And my response has to come from a place that believes in my value. I cannot want more depth and genuine interactions but not be willing to stand up for myself. I’m not saying that I’m now going around telling men off, but I am working on learning how to respond with enough blunt ‘jerk’ to send the message that it’s not okay. I have reason to believe I’m not there yet… but I’m working on it. And that’s what I’m proud of.

What I’m finding that I enjoy is to respond out of this crush I’ve developed. Crushes are silly things, if you think about it. They often come out of nowhere and can make people act and speak in ways they wouldn’t normally. Some people may become an absolute klutz thanks to a crush. Others may end up forgetting how to speak like a normal human. Still others may end up sharing highly random information with no prompting as if it was requested… I mean why else would someone send a message about the acceptable contents of chocolate with literally no context? Keep in mind these are super random examples that I have no personal experience with because, of course, if I was in that situation, I would continue to be the cool, calm, and collected gal that I always am.

The other thing about having a crush is that it can make little things in life suddenly exciting, entertaining, or enlightening in ways that they weren’t before. Sometimes you might not even realized that your attitude is changing until you’ve spent a bit of time dealing with said crush.

So… you’re dying to know. I can feel it. Do I have a crush? Absolutely! I’ve actually got more than one! **gasps all around** But there are two that matter more than any other. The first is that I’ve got a gigantic crush on making my littles giggle. 🙂 And the second, the reason I’m writing, is that I’ve got a crush on the chick I see in the mirror.

Not what you were expecting, was it??

I’m in the middle of getting to know this person whose compassion can break her heart, whose silly can make her cry, and whose optimism can be fueled by anger… and I’m seriously crushing so hard. This chick has me re-prioritizing my time, making and planning moments to make memories, and sacrificing what’s unnecessary. She’s challenging why I do what I do and pushing me to continue to develop into the mom, sister, daughter, and friend that I need to be. She has me setting different boundaries and protecting my inner health. She’s reminding me that I don’t need to know all things and pointing out the benefits to the ‘now’ I should be living in. She helps me recognize when and with whom I feel safe… and when and with home I don’t. She points out what to embrace and then what to be okay with letting go.

There’s nothing wrong with being a giver, but the chick in the mirror deserves the giving also. And while I’m not entirely sure how to care for her, I’ve got an altered perspective that helps me take care of her better than I have in the past.

This might seem completely ridiculous. That’s fine.

All I know is that she deserves the world… and, as a crush of mine, I vow to do all I can towards that end for her. 🙂 🙂