You might not realize this, but you only need it from one person… you.

I have operated for most of my life out of a need to be reassured by people – to know that I am important to them, that I matter… and it usually meant that I was willing to compromise me in order to obtain it.

I could sit here and tell you of all of the different ways that I would allow myself to be manipulated by this person or that person, but maybe those will be stories for a different day. Today, though, the point is that I allowed it.

See, we like to matter to people, and it feels good to be reminded in word or deed. As a matter of fact, in any healthy relationship, that will happen organically… I will buy my kids new ‘fluffies’, clothes, or toys because I love to watch their reactions, but do it while denying myself Taco Bell depending on the dollar flow that week. My son just drew a picture of “Mr. Fury as a butt” and wanted me to have it. My neighbor has taken my bag of trash for me when I’ve set it outside. I cleared a different neighbor’s patio when a big storm blew in then set it back up after. My sister will pick up two Sbux coffees instead of one if she’s headed to my house, and on our recent roadtrip, I basically fought with my bestie over who was paying for what between the sbux, sno cones, and pizza we got. You may offer someone a stick of gum, hold the door open, or let someone step in line in front of you at the grocery store. All of those little moments show people they matter.

The trouble is that sometimes we overlook those because our focus becomes on WHO we matter to and we forget the simplicity and beauty that we do regardless. When that happens, we end up manufacturing a balance scale of sorts. When Jo shows me I matter, that moment goes on one side but when Jo forgets me, it goes on the other. As a basic concept, that may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as we’re using the results to take care of ourselves. If, though, you look at the scale at the end of the day and notice that it’s tipping to the less favorable end, and your response is a panic-driven mission to make sure you matter by any means necessary, then you might want to recenter and remember that your value exists with or without that person.

When we seek validation, we are begging to be accepted, and when I have actively sought it, it usually meant that I was in a place where I was willing to obtain the acceptance by any means necessary. I would attempt to adapt who I was to my surroundings instead of believing in my worth enough to adapt my surroundings. But you and me, we are each worth everything.

And I was thinking… I have found a peace in the silence of my phone recently. I’ve taken a lot of apps off of my phone that I’d previously had on there. Sure, I like getting notifications and knowing that someone wants me to know something. There are someones that I like to know somethings, also. But I have zero desire to try and manufacture communication, so the extent of my apps beyond standard texting are facebook, messenger, and snapchat… and I am loving the quiet of my phone.

Now, I’m not being unsociable by any means. I’m just not seeking anyone else’s validation. I have all of it that I need, and it comes from me. I don’t mean that rude or inconsiderate to anyone else… I still very much love people and try to live it in an obvious way. However, I have decided that my value and my worth both come from within – from who I am, from what I believe – and I am going to operate accordingly.

See, this is why I am loving this journey of falling into who I am and can be. There is nothing quite so freeing as realizing all of the ways that I get to affect my own health and well-being and taking charge on it. With that said, you can affect yours too. I think from now on, maybe we’ll end our talks with this…

You’re worth it, so be good to you! ❤