Here we are, 20 days since I started this draft and even longer since I knew I needed to work on it. Exactly one month ago, I wrote something down during a Sunday morning service. Well, technically, I wrote a few somethings down. The message was about our story versus our counter-story… that is… where the world will ‘naturally’ take us versus where God wants to supernaturally take us. The first concept I wrote down was the following: We don’t just need to be formed into who God’s design calls us to be. We need to be de-formed from what the world’s design constantly pulls us to be. With that in mind, like I said, I wrote down quite a few somethings that week, but there was a specific one… one I turned to a different page for, you know, just in case. Word for word, it was this… and if you’re curious, it has been at the forefront of my mind for the last month:

I want ‘A’ but I have no doubt that I don’t have it because of ‘B’, and I won’t until I decide that ‘A’ is worth being completely done with ‘B’. Make a choice. Decide.

It’s entertaining now for me to think about it because I write in such vague terms sometimes that no one would know what I was referring to anyway, and yet I didn’t want someone to see that I needed to be done with something. Which is so silly, isn’t it – the concept that I would be embarrassed for it to be known that I needed to change? Logically, we all know that we want to change things, but then we find it too much to speak out loud. But alas, moving on…

When I wrote that, I had a very specific ‘A’ and ‘B’ in mind, but ever since, I’ve actually thought of a few different spaces in my life where it would be beneficial for me to apply this same logic… and I’m wondering if you might be able to also. As a matter of fact, there are probably a million options that we could pop into this statement. We are very good at wanting new or more or different, but I think that sometimes we’re even better at wanting it without being willing to relinquish what may be old.

Do we need to relinquish the old every time? Nope.

Do we need to relinquish it more often than we do? Probably.

Will it be easy to tell the difference? Not necessarily.

Am I going to say anything helpful? Maybe.

You see, here’s the thing: this ‘A’ that I want – it’s a daydream kind of thing. You know daydreams? Those things you think about when your mind wanders off and you stop paying attention? Okay, not the pancakes, eggs, and bacon that come to mind because you’re hungry or the laundry and dishes that are piling up and needing cleaned. The daydreams I’m talking about come after that – when you decide that you’re hungry for life, for more, or when you envision what could be if you cleaned up a few things. That’s when my what-if’s and if-only’s come into play. That’s when I can see anything that I would classify as an ‘A’ – an existence, experience, or identity that I cannot yet call mine. Consider your daydreams. Consider what it is that you would love to be able to claim… physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or even within your identity. Maybe one of those is your ‘A’. Only you can identify it.

Then there is the arch-nemesis, the side-stitch, the splinter… the ‘B’ in our lives. Or perhaps for you, it isn’t that simple. Perhaps your ‘B’ is found within your comfort or within a place of peace. This is entirely possible, and if it is, then it certainly won’t seem fair. As a matter of fact, the prospect of getting rid of or even lessening your ‘B’ could hit anywhere between hard or painful to impossible or maybe even undesired. That’s the thing with these moments. They’re unique for everyone. In my head that morning, were concepts that I needed to be all or nothing about. It is entirely possible, though, that there needs to be a very intentional shifting between what is more and what is less. Your daydream may exist within that shift.

Maybe you’ve come up with your ‘things’ and maybe you haven’t, but let’s pause a moment…

We’ve just had some wacky weather come through most of the United States. While we did know about it ahead of time, it’s really easy to underestimate its potential effect and, in turn, under-prepare. But this isn’t the type of preparedness that is in discussion today. I want you to think of a month long dry stretch of summer. The kind where we need rain because everything is dying. The kind where we need rain because the earth is dry and cracked. The kind where we need rain because fires are starting too easily. And so we pray. Do you think this would be an appropriate time for prayer without preparation, without action? Probably not based on the kind of rain we’d be praying for. At minimum, an umbrella or rain boots might be a good idea. We should probably make sure our windows are shut. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to take the canopy off of the porch swing either.

See, it’s good to pray for rain. It’s a Biblical concept to bring your requests to God. Far too often, though, we want to take a hands-off approach at the conclusion of our ‘Amen’. We say our prayer, we present our petitions, maybe we give our thanks… and then we move on to a position of sitting cross legged with our phones in hand where we can comfortably scroll through Facebook and wait for God to do something. Sounds a little pompous even just to read it that way, doesn’t it?

So here’s my challenge to you. If you are going to pray for your ‘A’ and seek your ‘A’ as hard as you can, do yourself an extremely difficult favor and consider if there is a ‘B’ that might be connected behind the scenes. If there is, it needs to be addressed… which is the hard part.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a leadership meeting with a group of people far smarter than me, and someone began to break down what it means to make a decision. The vantage point we like to take is regarding what we are making a decision FOR. We want to be healthier, so we make a decision FOR the gym. However, we will do ourselves a great disservice if we do not acknowledge the fact that we need to be simultaneously deciding AGAINST what will hinder our progress. We like the one-sided decisions. They make us feel good with the warm and fuzzies of improvement or happiness. Remember though, that decisions aren’t one-sided. When I decide to pursue my ‘A’, I will do nothing but spin my wheels if I do not at the same time work to rid myself of ‘B’, sacrificing what I may need to sacrifice, stepping away from what I may need to step away from.

Maybe this seems a little too elusive right now. I understand that, and it’s okay. Like I said, I’ve thought of a few different applications since that morning and each one has a different set of action points. I can tell you, though, that since I have taken the time to identify a few very specific pieces about what I want to see in my future, my efforts in eliminating what can be eliminated and minimizing what could be minimized have dramatically grown me.

I’ve told you that I’m not who I used to be… and I’m not even who I was a month ago. Is that going to be obvious to everyone? Nope. But there is a contentment inside for where I am and where I’m going that I’ve never known before, and there is room for new visions, new passions, even new doors and opportunities. The coolest part is that I wouldn’t necessarily see where they should be connected to each other on paper. But they are.

Obedience and attentiveness can cause ripple effects that seem far from possible, and yet out they expand.

I don’t know if you’ve had anything come to mind over the course of our time together, but my challenge to you is this: consider whatever it is that you want to move towards, to decide for, to claim as your ‘A’, and when you’re done be willing to then consider your ‘B’ – what you might need to decide against in order to obtain ‘A’ as fully as possible. After that… pray for the courage to do it, seek out the support that you need, and take it one day, one hour, maybe even one conversation at a time.

This is a big deal. I know from experience. We aren’t just existing anymore. This is deciding to pray for rain.

And finally, my friends… in all of it, be good to you.